


Here's to us!

by Dragonkeeper14



Category: Zork (Video Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29827020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragonkeeper14/pseuds/Dragonkeeper14
Summary: In which the budding hero Nathan Ransom, and his mentors Traroth the dragon and Clipson the magician, live through some of the first act of 'Return to Zork'; and in which we discover the full call-and-response of Boos Myller's drinking-poem…





	Here's to us!

Our heroes soared over hill and dale,  
Our friends swift flew over field and fell,

Until they came to a halt on a ridge overlooking a dry and dusty valley, with a path between two pointed peaks and a sign beside the stony road, marked: 'Valley of the Vultures: Population [several numbers crossed out] 47', and a vulture perched on the sign.

The three gentlemen turned to each other and shrugged, and drew their tele-orb to ask the advice of Wizard Trembyle, Clipson's grandmaster in magic. 

Said Trembyle: 'Hey! Hey! I've been talkin' a long time! I sense movement! I need a new battery. Can y' hear me?! A new battery!'; then his voice and image faded. 

Nathan took up a rock and threw it at the vulture, which swooped at him and flew away. Traroth said: 'Nice throw', and Nathan answered: 'Thanks', and bent to read the sign more closely. A small bonding-plant grew at the foot of the sign, and Nathan picked it. 

The tele-orb flickered again, and Trembyle said: 'This used to be called the Valley of the Sparrows. Hmph! It's had a name-change since then!', and faded once more.

Down our heroes went, into the Valley, and came to a halt beside a lighthouse on the banks of a river. 

The tele-orb flickered again, and Trembyle said: 'O ho. I sense we're near the lighthouse. Ask that old fool how the Road to the South is', and faded once more.

Said Nathan: 'What old fool? And, we really need a new battery'.

Traroth answered: 'He means the lighthouse-keeper'.

Clipson added: 'I can't imagine what quarrel there is between them', and knocked the lighthouse door.

Through a window in the door, the lighthouse-keeper sputtered: 'What's that? Who's there? Who're you? What's the password? I can' letchyu in withou' the password! Don't try Swordfish; I know it's not that; I tried it myself an' I couldn't get in, so I know it's not that; well, we haven't had any visitors here since;–– O, I don' know how long;–– you must be another one a' Roopers' Sweepstakes winners, eh? Okay; what's the password? Did you say the password? I can't remember! I can' letchyu in withou' the password, so you must've already said it, huh?', and let them in.

When the tea was drunk and the wine poured, the keeper added: 'It's a good thing you kn'w the password. It's not safe ou' there. Those buzz'ds'll steal anything that's not nailed daown! Sticky-fingered; hah! I'd say Magnetic! The other day one of 'em flew by an' my shovel flew off after it! Well, 're you jus' gonna stand there like a marble on a flathead? Hey, pal, 'm talkin' t' you! You okay?'.

Said Clipson: 'Yeah; we're okay. Just wanted to ask you about the Road to the South'.

The keeper answered: 'The Road to the South, is impassable. Impossible to pass! Impossible! Impassible! Whatever'.

Our friends thanked him and took their leave. Outside, the tele-orb flickered again, and Trembyle said: 'That old bore! O; well, that reminds me: did you hear the one about the appetite of a wild boar?! Well, in the Forest of the Spirits…', and faded once more.

Nathan asked: 'Is he always like this?'.

Clipson answered: 'Not when I first knew him'.

Traroth quoted: '"A little nonsense, now and then, is relished by the wisest men", and the annals of the sages are full of examples'.

With the Road to the South impassable, our heroes turned instead to the river. With a vine and a few spare planks they found behind the lighthouse, they built a raft, and the men floated downstream while Traroth swam ahead to plot their course. 

The river wound this way and that over the plain and into a village, where there was half a bridge. Traroth pointed that out to his companions, and Nathan and Clipson steered their raft to the bridge and got up onto it, and made their way into the village, while the raft drifted away below.

Most of the village was deserted, except for mice. Our heroes picked up a crank and a box in an abandoned hardware-store, and returned to the bridge, where the nearest building was the schoolhouse. Nathan took the crank and rang the school bell, and went in. 

There was no one in the schoolroom but Ms. Peepers, the teacher, and she said: 'Well! You're late! It's all right, but don't let it happen again, or you'll be marked down on your permanent record. Tardiness, is not acceptable'. 

Said Nathan: 'Well, I'm here now, and ready'.

Said Ms. Peepers: 'Good work-habits; I like that! First, we're going to have a little pop-quiz', and handed him a test-paper. 

Nathan answered all the questions with ease, and Ms. Peepers said: 'I'm so happy to have someone to ask this of: would you be so kind as to take this book and record what happened to East Shanbar, and what caused it? I can't go myself; I have to be here, if any of my students come back'.

Nathan took a picture of her with his pocket-camera, and returned to his friends on the bridge and told them all. Then all three turned to the Mayor's Office on the other side of the street. 

There was no one in the office but the Mayor, who said: 'Well! A new constituent! I'm the Mayor of Shanbar. Glad to meet you. I hope you're registered to vote!'.

Said Clipson: 'We can do more than vote; we can help sort out your paperwork, even'.

Said the Mayor: 'Well, that's fine! Start over there, with the file-cabinet'.

Our friends opened the file-cabinet and looked through the files; read them all; re-arranged them; and set off for the village mill.

There was no one in the mill but the Miller, and he was more than half drunk. Said he: 'Who're you? O, i' don' matter. Wan' some rah? O c'rse y' do'. With that, he poured them a glass each, raised his own, and said: ‘Here’s t’us!’.

Clipson matched his toast and answered: ‘To me and you!’.

The miller said: ‘Who’s like us?’.

Clipson answered: ‘Precious few;–– and they’ve all died’.

The miller said: ‘That’s ver’ true!’, and both laughed.

While the miller drank, Clipson signalled to Nathan, and Nathan stole the gift-shop key, which lay on the miller's table.

With that, our heroes returned their glasses to the miller and continued on their journey.

**Author's Note:**

> I always thought the toasting-verse in the game proper was missing rhymes, and didn't suit its own rhythm. Hence this piece, which supplies the missing lines. Any opinions? 
> 
> I identified Wizard Trembyle as our heroes' 'Grandmaster', because he seems to be the greatest magician in the land, and too high and mighty to teach them directly. The title of Grandmaster, is to suggest at least one more rank between. 
> 
> In the original, the PC simply studies the Mayor's files without an invitation; but even from a narrator's point of view, that hardly makes sense, so in this I have our heroes offer to re-organize his files, as an excuse to study them.


End file.
